The Asymmetry of Breakups

Take a look at your life. What are the real risks? The ones that genuinely scare you?

You’ve got three. First is physical. You don’t want to get shot, killed, run over by a car. We live in a civilized world where that risk is low—but not zero.

Second is financial. You don’t want to go broke. Being broke in America? That’s a nightmare. Poverty here isn’t just about having no money—it’s violence, addiction, racial tension, pure hardship. It’s a descent into hell. But it’s a known risk. You can check your bank account. You can gauge your worth in the marketplace. You can see this one coming.

Then there’s the third risk. The breakup. Not talked about, not really understood. Some men lose it completely when a breakup hits. It’s like a bomb going off. One explosion, then the ripple effect: every part of your life crumbles.

Here’s what I’m saying—men handle breakups worse than women. It’s not even close. This is Lindy. This is a risk you need to be aware of. As a man, a real breakup can ruin you. What does ruin look like? Depression. Suicide. Addiction. Making reckless choices that leave you broke. You change. You stop being who you were. You derail.

Women? They handle it better. For them, the risk isn’t the same. There’s no risk of ruin. They move on. We don’t.

Keep this in mind

How Do You Prove Human Nature?

How do I prove this to you?

1) First, personal experience. I remember the serious breakups, the ones that hit me like a Mack truck. I spiraled—straight into depression. I had to grip onto the rails of life, finding sanctuary in my job, crashing on a friend’s couch, just trying to stay afloat. It felt like an abyss. And it wasn’t a choice. It wasn’t something I could manage or control. It just took over, like a fever, like an alien invasion from the inside, and I was powerless.

2) Then, there’s what I’ve seen in others—friends, acquaintances. I’ve watched grown men crumble. Men with money, with companies, guys who should’ve been rock solid, suddenly acting strange, like they were unraveling. I saw men change as they moved from the relationship world to the single world. They made bizarre choices with their money, acted out of character, like there was some war raging inside of them. And it was ugly. The damage didn’t stop until they found another woman to hold them steady.

3) Just take a look around

Thirdly, I can look up social psychology literature. I found a paper explaining the phenomenon I am describing:

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We can also bring in the Lindy Effect. While the ancients didn’t have modern physics, they understood human nature. So anything in social science or psychology today needs to be Lindy-proof—it has to have roots in the classics; otherwise, it won’t replicate or generalize beyond a lab experiment. These ideas about human nature have survived the chaos and disorder of time for thousands of years, which is a filter in itself.

Enter Ovid

Then there’s Ovid. A Roman poet from a couple thousand years ago. Famous for his seduction manual, Ars Amatoria. But less known for Remedia Amoris—“The Cure for Love.” This was Ovid’s playbook for how men could get over their lovers without killing themselves. The poem, written for men, openly critiques suicide as an escape from heartbreak. Ovid walks you through the steps of getting over her, painting himself as a doctor treating the sick. Because you are sick. He knows it. He gets it. You’re a man ruined by love, and he’s offering you a cure.

I did a short thread on it years ago. But the poem goes into greater detail and is worth a read.

The Cautionary Tale of Anthony Bourdain

Take Anthony Bourdain. The guy seemed to have one of the best lives imaginable. From the outside, at least. Millions in the bank, total creative control over his CNN show, real street cred, good-looking, wrote bestselling books, toured the world, and came off as a genuinely decent guy—especially compared to the usual monsters on TV. I loved watching his show, and I hate television.

Then he starts dating an Italian actress, Asia Argento. Things seem fine until she steps out on him with a French reporter, and the paparazzi blast the photos everywhere. A day later, Bourdain unfollows her on Instagram.

And then he hangs himself in his hotel room. No drugs, no alcohol in his system. Just a tragic, abrupt end.

If a man with a perfect life can end up like this. So can we. Men must be conscious of the risk domain of breakups.

Chances of Breakup

If you’re a married man, the chances are that the woman will initiate divorce.

70 percent is a lot. But there’s more.

College-educated women initiate divorce at an even higher rate: 90%.