You Need A Story

One of the unfortunate parts about being human is the need for a story. You need a story for yourself, and you need one for the world. It’s built into us. Our ancestors handed down everything through stories, how to survive, who we are. Stories are how we make sense of things, how we cope with the unknown, how we create a shared reality. The brain craves them, even when life gets messy, chaotic.

That sounds great. So why do I think it’s unfortunate? A few reasons.

1) The Narrative Fallacy. We impose structure on random or complex events, giving us the false sense that we understand them. Life is unpredictable, shaped by randomness, but we see patterns where they don’t exist. It simplifies reality and blinds us to its true complexity.

2) Constrains our Freedom: Narratives can trap us. You create a story for yourself, and suddenly you're stuck playing the role.

3) Narratives Can Make Us Unhappy. We build expectations around how life should go, and when reality doesn’t match the story, we’re left disappointed. We set goals, picture outcomes, and expect certain paths to bring fulfillment, but life’s unpredictability throws that off. When the story we’ve crafted falls apart, it deepens the sense of failure and dissatisfaction.

Philosophers Rebelling Against Narratives

Many philosophers have tried to rebel against telling yourself a story because living without a story is a seductive idea. This was the topic of a recent article that came out recently by a Professor of Philosophy. She cited the famous anecdote by the French philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre. Sarte was sitting at a French cafe observing the waiter:

Another proponent of rejecting stories is the British Philosopher John Gray. He wrote an entire book on rejecting giving yourself a story. Gray believes humans turned to narratives out of anxiety, searching for tranquillity in a chaotic world by telling themselves stories that offer an illusion of calm. He argues we should be more like cats. Cats don’t need stories because they naturally find equilibrium when they’re not hungry or threatened. They’re spontaneous, playful, content with life as it comes, and too absorbed in the present to worry about the future. He thinks we should think more like cats and less like humans. 

The life of a cat sounds interesting. You engage with your surroundings, react to what's in front of you, make decisions, and move forward. No need to wrap it all in a narrative or give yourself a story. No need to justify your choices to yourself or anyone else. You're simply in the moment, making decisions based on how you feel and what works best.

@snowys_life0

Day in the life of a outdoor cat 📷🐈#cats #meow

The Human Need for Narratives

Alas, we are humans. And humans need a narrative. There is no choice. Philosophers (and Academics) are useful sometimes but they usually do not engage in real life like the rest of us do and come up with silly theories on how to live because of their isolation.

If we live in the real world we are have to engage in the battle of stories. You’re going to need a story to tell at work, in your relationship, in your social dealings, and anything you do that includes other people. If you don’t give yourself a story, other people will give you a story. Being given a story is much more limiting to our freedom than giving yourself a story.

The goal for any person is to craft a narrative that enhances their success and freedom, rather than letting it restrict them. If you don’t control your own narrative, others will, and that’s when your freedom shrinks.

Humans are natural storytellers. We can’t help but create narratives about everything around us. It’s built into who we are. As Robin Hanson explains, our executive brain, the core of consciousness, functions more like a press secretary than a decision-maker, constantly justifying our actions to others. This storytelling impulse isn’t just a habit; it’s hardwired into how we think.

Narratives play a crucial role in our work, relationships, and sense of self-worth.

Now, let’s explore some tools to help us. Keep in mind that every time you step outside, it’s a battle of narratives, who can shape whose story.

If you get “storie-d” you lose.

In This Newsletter

1) Learn Frame Control: Frame control is the ability to dictate how others interpret events or actions. Those who can effectively control the narrative—whether in politics, business, or social interactions—gain a significant advantage because they influence how others react and respond.

2) The Narrative in Relationships: The narrative is an important part of any romantic relationship. You are engaged in a subtle battle of the pen with your loved one. If you lose it, things can get very weird.

3) Diversification of Identity is Your Friend: Having multiple narratives gives you flexibility and resilience in the "narrative game." By diversifying your identity across different domains, like being a spouse, parent, culture member, hobbyist, and professional, you create a broader sense of self that can weather setbacks in any single narravative that collapses.

Learn Frame Control

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